i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
