bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
