Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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