I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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