This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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