I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
