Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
