That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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