Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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