So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You are a genius and a whore.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
