dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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