Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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