i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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