I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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