don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
