hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
