bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
