hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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