and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
