none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
