I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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