Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
