Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
there is puke in my bra ... again
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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