dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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