and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
