Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
