so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
