hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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