These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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