I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
