as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
