I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
