What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
