thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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