That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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