the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
