This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We have started to decorate penises.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
