My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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