My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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