I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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