I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
