good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
