Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
