you have to choose: penises or morals?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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