Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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