You really coming over, don't trick.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
