ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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