just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
