I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
