just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
