The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
