Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
