so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
