Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
