I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
