at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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